Summer has been easy, but unsure. As I finish my year with Epic and begin seeking out a full-time job, I am often times consumed with the tasks to following my dreams of being a therapist. It’s nice, actually, not to have to be introspective for awhile. Yet, I can feel the confusion boiling inside of me, and I am denying the presence of another transition.
I had hoped that transition would end a few years after college. After I’d worked for a few years and settled down, the pestering presence of transition would finally leave me alone. I’m finding that difficult passages in life can pass and beautiful chapters unfortunately come to an end. And my life right now is a strange medley of both.
This August will be three years in LA. Three years since I unpacked my suitcase and sat alone in this hollow white room, wondering how I could ever fill it. Now, I can’t seem to find room for any of my shoes or stuffed animals. Much like that, my life has filled out from a mist and a calling to a demonstration of the Lord’s faithfulness. I recall those first few months, and the helplessness I endured being here with no relationships or keep me warm. I am so afraid that it will be like those first month, and transition will leave me vulnerable to failure. I find myself clinging to the way things are, rather than looking forward to what they could become.
After My words of praise sound forced, iced with the sin that if I praise Him, He will give me everything I desire, including what may be outside His will, I wait. I recall wise words I once heard- that the only thing to remember in transition is not to lose your identity. As I think about this past year, with the seizure and all that has come with it, I’m amazed at how the Lord used my identity- even something as terrible as sickness- to bless myself and those around me. The Lord’s plan was intricate and unique, more so than I could ever work on in my head. And as I recall what He has done in me, I am excited for what He can do in my life. Again, knowing I may lose some things I hold close, but that He will fill my life with His presence and His joy.
How have you handled transition? Especially when it’s difficult?
