The Gospel, I’ve learned, is more than a Bible verse to be memorized. But the Gospel was useless to me, as it was to many people from confusing backgrounds. Because at the end of the day, I can pray and read the Bible and ask God for forgiveness. But what do I do with all this anger?
I think of injustice at the shelter when I hold a chubby toddler in my arms who, at best will grow up never knowing his daddy, the abuser. I can imagine his journey to becoming a man and how disjointed church may seem from what he’s experienced in life. His anger may resonate in his life as mine has. When no one dared to explain why it had to happen to him.
The world tells us to exploit our anger for power. (You have your choice of passive aggression or stubborn confrontation!) The church tells me to hide it. But this ball of anger, it has nowhere to go. Church, I concluded years ago, was not the answer for this anger. So I spilled it on the pages of poetry, and became quite practiced at artfully conveying several different types of frustration, confusion and awkwardness through writing. I could recreate anger. But I could never destroy it.
When I came to know the Lord, my anger felt different. For the first time, I didn’t feel like stuffing it away, but I felt free to be honest about it. To feel deeply for injustice and love those who had felt such sin. To empathize for those who had dealt with loss and pain.
When I found out about the Gospel’s implication of propitiation, I was rejoicing of what others may find disturbing- the appeasement or satisfaction of God’s wrath so that we may be free! When Christ died on the cross, the wrath of God was satisfied through His death. The ultimate justice was paid, and we could finally be right with God. That speaks to me, because of the deep satisfaction to know that God’s wrath means He cares. He’s seen the injustice of sin in the world and He is angry. I felt as if the emotion I thought was not applicable to the church was actually real in Christ. God got mad. He was angry against our sin. The anger I feel can now go on the cross- of the sin others cast on me, because of this broken world. I am not responsible for holding it any longer. God is angry, too, and His anger is cast on the cross.
I have not fully digested what this means, except that I am freer than I imagined. To embrace this reality means full forgiveness, even to those I don’t feel can be rightly forgiven without Christ. And to myself, who has fallen so short with my constant sin, that His anger is cast on the Cross so He may welcome me with open arms.
” But he was wounded for our transgressions;
he was crushed for our iniquities;
upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace,
and with his stripes we are healed.
All we like sheep have gone astray;
we have turned—every one—to his own way;
and the Lord has laid on him
the iniquity of us all.”
Isaiah 53:5-6
